Saturday, June 11, 2011

What NOT To Say When She Isn't Expecting

When people find out that you are having trouble getting pregnant many of them feel the need to give "advice." I think that they do it because they really don't know what else to say, so they usually just end up saying things that are unhelpful and sometimes hurtful. Here are a few of my personal favorites.

1. "You just need to relax." This is the most common piece of advice that people give. My response? "You try relaxing with artificial progesterone and Clomid in your system and then tell me to relax again."
2. "It will happen if it is meant to." So, you are telling me that crack addict was just destined to have those five crack babies? Seriously?
3. "Just adopt." Don't get me wrong, I think that adoption is a wonderful thing. It is also very expensive, the process is very intrusive, and it can take years to get a child once you are approved. The people who say this wouldn't know anything about that because they almost all have biological children.
4. "It isn't the end of the world if you don't have kids." Let me put this one into perspective. Imagine that you are an Olympic runner and all you have ever dreamed about is winning the gold medal. Now imagine that the time comes for you to go to the Summer Olypmics, but right before you get there your doctor tells you that both of your legs have to be amputated. Wouldn't that feel like the end of the world?
5. "Spend an afternoon with my kids and you'll change your mind about wanting them." No, I wouldn't. But if I were you I would be thankful for what I had.
6. For the love of all that is holy. NEVER complain about your pregnancy symptoms to someone who is reproductively challenged! We are full of hormones too and it will not end well!
7. Sex tips. These always crack me up. My favorite is, "Stand on your head for thirty minutes after sex." I am pretty sure that sperm are like salmon. They swim upstream on their own.

In conclusion, if you know someone who is reproductively challenged don't try to fix it for them. Just listen and be there for us when we need someone to talk to.


  1. well put :) hang in there God has a plan :)

  2. I am sending every good luck, good karma, well wishes, prayers and anything and everything that I can think of to you. I am here for you if you need to talk. Please keep me updated on how things go! I will be following your blog. :)

  3. I am afraid to respond, for fear I will say the wrong thing! :) Love you, Rachel.

  4. LOL, Stacey. Don't worry about it. I have heard it all!

  5. haha! i love numbers 2, 6, and 7. hilarious!