Friday, June 28, 2013

An End In Sight

My husband and I had a long talk about the future and about infertility and we have come to a decision.

We are doing our one round of IVF sometime this fall, but that's it. If that cycle results in a pregnancy we will be thrilled. If it does not we will be devestated. We will mourn the loss of what we though our lives would look like. Then we will try to move on.

We need there to be an end in sight. These two and a half years have been full of anguish, disappointment, and sadness. We want our life back. We want to learn to enjoy life again.

This was a hard decision to come to. It's really hard knowing that I may not have the happy ending that I expected. It's hard knowing that my childhood dream of being a mother may never come true.

But that is life. Not all dreams come true.

Maybe I will have new dreams. Maybe chasing those new dreams will bring me happiness. I hope so.

Then again, maybe our lone IVF cycle will work and we will get a miracle. I want to believe that this is what will happen. But I'm starting to feel like I'm waiting for something that is never going to happen. So please, have some hope for me. My supply is running on empty.

Regardless of what happens, the blog will still be here. It might change a bit but I'm not going anywhere.

Much Love,



  1. I think about what our plan is a lot. Haven't decided one way or the other, but I can imagine it must feel good to have a plan and an end in sight, even if it means not getting everything you want.

    1. It feels both good and bad. It's hard to explain. There are no easy answers in all of this. Also, thank you for reading my blog! I meant to say that on your last comment. :)

  2. I'm so glad you have a plan you feel comfortable with! I think it's hard when you know the end is in sight and you just don't know if it wil be a happy or a sad ending. I hope with all my heart that yours is a happy ending!

  3. I'm all for a plan of action instead of living in limbo. At least with a plan you are actively doing something. That said, I know it's scary because of the reality that all of this could fail and you'll come up empty handed. So what I would encourage is not to think about this as an all or nothing situation. IVF is stressful enough without that added stress. Instead focus on what's in front of you. You've made the decision to do a round of IVF. Now focus on preparing for it (financially, emotionally, physically). Get yourself to a place so that you can confidently say that no matter what you were able to give this the best shot possible. We'll worry about the next steps as they come.

    Hang in there and hoping for much joy in the near future.

  4. I wish I could've been as strong as you are about your decision. Now that there is no way I will ever get pregnant (had a complete hysterectomy in April) I often think about the past 23 years of battling IF. I know now how I utterly wasted all those years to worry, depression, obsession and tears...time I will never get back. It is a very hard decision and one I wish I had been strong enough to make. Hindsight is always 20/20 I suppose. However, I am totally praying that your IVF will give y'all the miracle that you dream for.

  5. Having just made almost the same decision (after nearly 4 years TTC#1 we're done when 2014 hits), I know the conflicting feelings decisions like this make. I daily feel the peace of having a concrete timeline, and the anguish of knowing there may be an unhappy ending around the corner.

    I read once that the time to move on is the time when you realize hoping for the future hurts more than accepting the present. I know we're reaching that point, and you probably are too.

    Great big hugs to you for making this impossible decision.