Saturday, April 27, 2013

Twittergate 2013

***This post is referring to a dialogue that has been going on over on Twitter concerning how hard it seeing constant baby/pregnancy updates when women are still in the infertility trenches. Likewise, the women who are pregnant/parenting after infertility have a hard time because they want to share their lives with Twitter and the infertility community but they worry about hurting the women who still don't have children.***

***I am not coming down on either side of the arguments. I see both sides.***

Love can be a battlefield, but we are not one another's enemy. Infertility is our enemy. We have that in common.

I feel bad, but I really understand how the people who are sick of the baby posts feel. I get it. It does hurt. I get sick of it too. If you ever went through infertility you understand how much those things hurt and because you know how much it hurts it makes it harder to share your joy when you have a child. You don't want to hurt others but it is inevitable that the people in the trenches will be a bit hurt by such things, even though they are thrilled for you. It's an awful cycle. And honestly, I don't know the answer to it. 

I will continue to follow my pregnant and parenting after infertility friends. I will support you when you are nervous about your pregnancy, scared about giving birth and when you are terrified that you aren't a good mom. I will love  and support you and offer what encouraging words I can. I am not a mom, so my ability to understand is limited. But I will still try and offer what comfort and support I can in those things just like I know you'll support me and offer me kind words every time I find out that yet another friend is pregnant, another test is negative, another treatment didn't work, and when I need to vent.

I think that all anyone on either side of the argument has been trying to say is this- We need to be mutually supportive. 

We can be thoughtful of each other's struggles and still be happy in our own joy. We can be happy when we see our friends get their dream and still be sad that we haven't gotten ours. Let's do that. Let's just support one another. 

Love shouldn't always be such a damn battlefield. Let's save the battlefield for fighting infertility.


  1. I totally agree 100% with everything you said. When I was still struggling, I only followed people who were in the same boat and I hid all of my FB friends with small children. I had to. To preserve my sanity. But never once was I mad at any of them, including the IF "graduates." I was just so desperately jealous. Let's stick together ladies!

  2. Well said! I have a difficult time talking about my infertility on FB and in real life since I already have a child. We had no issues getting pregnant with him, but we've been trying for over a year and a half for a second child. I feel as if I might be judged by people since I am already so blessed. We need to stick together!