Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Where I've Been

I haven't blogged in quite a while. I've had a lot going on. Let me catch you up.

On October 1st I was admitted to the hospital to have my gallbladder removed after about four days of very severe pain. I had the surgery on October 2nd and was sent home the same day even though my pain was still very severe. I went back to into the hospital on October 5th because I had a bile duct leak from the gallbladder surgery. I had a procedure called an ERCP on October 6th to place a stent in my stomach so that the bile could drain. This was supposed to take care of the pain that I was in. It didn't. I woke up from the procedure in even more pain. I was sent home hours after the procedure even though I was in horrible pain and had a fever.

The next night, my husband drove me up to another hospital's ER with a very high fever and pain. I was admitted after a CT scan that showed what the ER doctor thought was a Crohn's flare. Thankfully it wasn't Crohn's. It was a post-op infection. I was treated for the infection by a really good group of doctors at that hospital and was sent home. I was still in pain, but it wasn't as bad.

After five weeks I was still in pain. It had actually gotten so severe that we went back to the ER but they couldn't figure out what was causing the pain to be so much worse. My new doctor did another ERCP on November 10th and removed the stent that had been placed. He also cleaned out sludge that was left around the stent and cut a muscle in my stomach that had been contracting and causing that really severe pain. I woke up in significantly less pain but I was kept overnight at the hospital anyway.

Since then I have been slowly getting better. My pain is minimal now, but I am still having a lot of problems eating. I'm having a CT scan next week to check my small intestines for any sign of active Crohn's disease. If it isn't Crohn's it is probably just my stomach getting use to not having a gallbladder anymore. I've lost 15 pounds since this whole nightmare started.

I'm finally able to work again, drive again and sit up for more than 30 minutes without wanting to cry in pain. I should be happy that I am so much better now, and I am. But I'm mad. I was supposed to have my first round of IVF in November. I very well could have been pregnant right now. Now we have a deductible to pay and no clue of when I'm going to be healthy enough or when we are going to have the money to proceed with treatment. I'm so mad. This didn't have to happen. If the first surgery had been done carefully I would probably be fine right now. I'm the kind of mad that makes me want to punch things and smash glass things to pieces.

I try to keep it together during the day but I have times that I just break out in tears from anger at all of this. November marked our second year of trying to get pregnant and now I'm going to spend another Christmas with no hope in sight of being a mom.

I'm tired and angry. I hate infertility. I hate the guy who removed my gallbladder. I want to smash things.

That is all I've got for today.


  1. Go to the Dollar Tree, buy about 20 plates or so ($20) the smash each one with a force you didn't even know you had. That is a very well spent $20. And very cathartic - and way cheaper than more therapy!

    I am soo mad at that surgeon as well, because not only did he squash your Mommy hopes for a little longer but (if Rob hadn't been smart and brought to the second hospital) it could have gotten to the point of life threatening the way they kept sending you home (never heard of a doc discharging a patient with a post op infection before!) and he is there and will probably do this to another patient too! It's scary that someone that incompetant performs surgery at all!

    Now, if you wanted to, you could go after him for your deductible and financial losses directly related to the incident - which would be so minimal in their eyes I imagine they would settle with that immediately to avoid anything public. But I am not saying you should do that. That would just put you back at the same financial spot you were before the surgery.

    You could probably also sue the pants off him. But I am not saying you should do that either.

    I would suggest at least a strongly written letter or something reported that will end up in his file etc.

    But you need to do what will make you feel better. Make your decision on how to fix you going forward.

    Any of those decisions, and probably many others, would be reasonable and not over the top BUT they have to be what YOU feel right doing, no one else's choice but yours.

    I am really glad you are starting to feel better and getting back to normal. It took a long time for my eating to get used to no gallbladder too, not exactly fun but was better than having the gallbladder.

    I hope you continue to get better fast and that IVF becomes a reality for you again very soon.

    On Christmas, when this hurts the most, just remember your wonderful husband who got you to reputable doctors in time before any permanent damage or worse happened. He made sure that you still have the ability to be a mommy and that you will be healthy enough soon.

    I know that is not much of a silver lining for you right now because your heart is in agony,for good reason, but we are all here for you when you need us!

    Lots of Love & Hugs,

  2. So sorry you're going through this.. I don't really have any words that will help, but just know I'm thinking of you.