Always Waiting

I feel like I am in a constant state of waiting. Waiting to ovulate, waiting to test for pregnancy, waiting for my period, and waiting to become a mother. Right now I am waiting to test...again. I tested two days ago hoping I would get an early positive. I didn't. There was just one cruel pink line staring back up at me. I have to wait two more days to test again, but I have a sick feeling that it will still be negative.

I am having a "down" day. I am sad and nervous and feel hopeless. I went to a party today and saw a mother with her beautiful newborn daughter. Behind my smile and my words of congratulations I wondered if it would ever happen for me. I cannot imagine my life without seeing myself as a mother. So I wait. I wait for the next chapter of our life and our family. I wait...and wait...and wait some more.

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