Tuesday, June 19, 2012

We All Build Walls

I've recently noticed just how much I have isolated myself from the rest of the world. This has probably been apparent to everyone around me for quite some time, but it is news to me.

I've built walls. Walls of ice. Walls meant to keep others who might hurt me out. To a certain degree these walls are necessary. But they have also caused me to shut out some people and some situations that would probably be a source of comfort. But I don't know who or what will and won't hurt me deeply.

I've experienced pain at the hands of people that should have been supportive. I guess that my pain was just too big of a burden for them, or maybe they just didn't want to think about anything outside of their pleasant bubble. Everyone builds walls. We have all experienced pain. Maybe those who have hurt me with their carelessness are simply showing me their walls. 

So I built walls. Tall and strong walls. I'm not so sure that I want them there anymore. I'm lonely and I'm tired of feeling isolated. I'm not sure how to melt these walls I've put around my heart and my life. I'm also afraid that if I let my walls of ice melt I will be hurt beyond repair.

When something has changed you at the very core of your being how do you repair the damage that the pain it's caused has done? I'm at a loss on this one.


  1. Oh hon. We've all been at this place at some point. It's such a double-edge sword, though. The walls protect us from being hurt but isolate us. Being open means you're not alone, but opens you to a lot of heartache. I think the best thing is to find what degree of the walls work for you. Some find that socializing but not sharing their journey works for them. Others are open with everyone and anyone about where they are at. It's all a matter of what you're comfortable with and knowing that it can change as you need it to.

    Sending hugs.

  2. I here you, I've got my own walls too. I wish i had an easy answer. Sometimes, it's just about taking a chance / risk with someone. start small and build up. Reading Byron Katie - The Work was useful for me. You can see her stuff on youtube...helps turn around negative / unhelpful thoughts