Sunday, May 12, 2013

Nope, Still Not a Mother(s) Day

I hate Mother's Day with a passion. I love my mom. I appreciate her more than words could ever express. I'm happy for women who are mothers. But I hate this day because of what it represents for me and many women like me - childlessness.

Despite all of the progress that women have made in our society there is still a stigma concerning women who aren't moms. We ARE looked at as less of a woman than a mother. We constantly get comments like:

"You don't know what real love is until you're a mom." 
"You wouldn't understand, you're not a parent." 
"Just wait until you're a mom. You don't know what tired is!" 

These types of comments are demeaning. They imply that our life experiences are less valid just because we don't have children. I have definitely been treated like less of an adult because I'm not a mom. It's like some people think that I can never attain true maturity unless I pop out a baby.

Maybe I'll feel differently about Mother's Day someday. But for now the only part of this day that I look forward to is the card that my husband makes for me from our dogs.

For those who have lost their mother, for those who have crappy moms, for those who have lost children, for those who live childfree and for those still waiting - I am thinking of you today.


  1. Although I am now a finally a mum I still dislike this day. I have a lot of unresolved feelings and I loathe the mum on a pedestal brainwashing that goes on.

    I saw a quote the other day that said we are all mummies, some have just not found our children yet.

    As to love. I love my husband just as much as I did before I was a mum and after I was a mum. I like to think I know what true love is. Don't condescend to me.

    Hugs to you. I wish you all the luck in the world to becoming a mother.

  2. And to people (maybe freaks?) like me :) that don't want children, Mother's Day is equally vexing. Everyone assumes I'm a mom, or that I want to be a mom, or that something is wrong with me because I claim that I don't want those things. The mommy pedestal is annoying. I HATE the FB posts about "moms who wouldn't trade their blah blah blah suffering for anything because being a mom is the BEST thing EVER!" They obviously chose to have their kid - why should anyone give them a cookie or a medal for it? How about folks who love their life the way it is? I'm happy for moms who got to be moms, and I'm sad for women who want to be a mom so badly and struggle to (or cannot) have their very-desired children...but I'm also mad that people have somehow judged that every woman should pop a kid or two out as a necessary component of life, happiness, and womanhood. My (vacant) uterus and full travel schedule, disposable income, awesome career, fun with friends, sleepin' in weekends, and happy marriage are JUST FINE without a child. I don't need to pass on my genetic legacy in order to be complete. So...GRRR to Mother's Day! As much as I want you to have the family that you pray for, I hope your feelings about Mother's Day don't change. It's a Hallmark holiday, and a lame one at that.

    1. There is absolutely nothing freakish about not wanting kids :) I don't like cats. Does that make me strange? And I am really going to try to not become a person that Mother's Day is a big deal for. I don't like how it makes women, in general, feel.