Sunday, May 5, 2013

Welcome To My Brain

Having an anxiety problem (OCD in my case) is really hard. It's exhausting and self-defeating and it makes me want to scream.

Some days I feel trapped in my own head with my thoughts, and none of those thoughts are positive. Just worries.

Today is one of those days. And it sucks.

It is impossible to adequately explain what it really feels like in my brain right now. My thoughts are all jumbled. I'm irritable and I don't really feel like talking to anyone. Even innocuous things that people say can trigger another set of things to worry about. 

Of course the things I worry about when I'm like this never really make sense. They are things that I cannot change. I wish it was as simple as saying to myself, "Oh, that's an irrational thing to worry about. Stop it." and then going on with my day. It isn't. The more I tell myself NOT to worry about something the worse it seems to get. This is a pretty common characteristic of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Anxiety disorders are pretty misunderstood by the majority of people, and honestly, I'm glad that most people don't get it. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But it feels very alone at times. And it just sucks.

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