My husband and I had a long talk about the future and about infertility and we have come to a decision.
We are doing our one round of IVF sometime this fall, but that's it. If that cycle results in a pregnancy we will be thrilled. If it does not we will be devestated. We will mourn the loss of what we though our lives would look like. Then we will try to move on.
We need there to be an end in sight. These two and a half years have been full of anguish, disappointment, and sadness. We want our life back. We want to learn to enjoy life again.
This was a hard decision to come to. It's really hard knowing that I may not have the happy ending that I expected. It's hard knowing that my childhood dream of being a mother may never come true.
But that is life. Not all dreams come true.
Maybe I will have new dreams. Maybe chasing those new dreams will bring me happiness. I hope so.
Then again, maybe our lone IVF cycle will work and we will get a miracle. I want to believe that this is what will happen. But I'm starting to feel like I'm waiting for something that is never going to happen. So please, have some hope for me. My supply is running on empty.
Regardless of what happens, the blog will still be here. It might change a bit but I'm not going anywhere.