A Little Fall Of Rain

I wrote this post in December describing my love of the musical Les Miserables and telling how it has related to my journey through infertility. My husband and I are watching it again tonight in the coziness of our home which means that we get to sing along (I was so bummed I couldn't belt out the lyrics in the movie theater).

This movie still means so much to me now that we've decided to live childfree. In my original post I said that if I ever had a daughter I wanted to name her Eponine because out of the rain of this hard time in our life something beautiful would grow - our child.

Well, we now know that a child will not be the flower that comes from this pain. But that doesn't mean that nothing beautiful can come from it. When I hear 'A Little Fall of Rain' now I think of my husband and I clinging to one another, me barely holding on, saying that a little rain can hardly hurt me after all we've gone through. He is comforting me giving me strength to hold on. I see great beauty in this. It is a beautiful love story - Two people clinging to each other during a storm and a war.

Rain still makes flowers grow, even if they were different flowers from what we expected. And they are beautiful.

"A Little Fall of Rain"

[EPONINE]
Don't you fret, M'sieur Marius
I don't feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt me now
You're here, that's all I need to know
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
And rain will make the flowers grow.

[MARIUS]
But you will live, 'Ponine - dear God above,
If I could heal your wounds with words of love.

[EPONINE]
Just hold me now, and let it be.
Shelter me, comfort me

[MARIUS]
You would live a hundred years
If I could show you how
I won't desert you now...

[EPONINE]
The rain can't hurt me now
This rain will wash away what's past
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
I'll sleep in your embrace at last.

The rain that brings you here
Is Heaven-blessed!
The skies begin to clear
And I'm at rest
A breath away from where you are
I've come home from so far
So don't you fret, M'sieur Marius

I don't feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt me now

That's all I need to know
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close

[MARIUS]
Hush-a-bye, dear Eponine,
You won't feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt you now
I'm here

I will stay with you
Till you are sleeping

[EPONINE]
And rain...

[MARIUS]
And rain... 

[EPONINE]
Will make the flowers...

[MARIUS]
Will make the flowers... grow... 

Easter 2013

This is the first Easter since we learned that we were infertile that I have not been sad. Holidays are typically very hard for people going through infertility. They usually are for me. I'm really okay. I hope that feeling lasts through tomorrow.

Right now I believe that God is giving me a dose of what Easter is really all about: Hope.

Christ gave the world hope when He sacrificed Himself as payment for our imperfections. I am so grateful for that sacrifice and for love that He shows me daily. Even when I am angry at God, life and the universe He still doesn't give up on me. He sees every tear and mourns with me. That is love.

I hope and pray that this Easter brings you hope, peace and joy. Happy Easter.

Now a quick update- After looking over the finances and considering how long my body would need to fully recover from my gallbladder surgery and Crohn's fiasco, we are looking at doing our IVF cycle in August. Of course, I'll need the approval of my gastroenterologist first but hopefully I'll be well enough to get it. I'm very, very excited.

The Champagne Room is Open

Gotta love that title. It reminds me of a song from when I was a teenager. Computers don't give out champagne (unfortunately we haven't created such a brilliant technology yet) but the party is open!

The Thirty-One part to help my husband and I raise the funds needed for our first IVF cycle is now open!

http://www.mythirtyone.com/shop/catalog.aspx?eventId=E2109348&from=DIRECTLINK

Please take a look, browse through the catalog, and see if you find something you like. If you don't find anything you'd like to purchase (and even if you do), prayers are greatly needed and appreciated!

I am still just in awe of all the love and support that has been shown to my husband and I during this very stressful and emotionally trying time.

You guys have reminded me that there IS still good in this world, and God has used your love and kindness to remind me that He hasn't forgotten us. Those two things are priceless.

Now lets have a virtual toast to hope. I'm drinking lemonade. So yeah, here, here!

Superwoman

Let me just start out by saying that I have the most amazing mother in the world. She is one of the main reasons that I want so badly to be a mother myself. I grew up being cherished and loved by my parents. I know I wasn't (and still am not) always the easiest child to have, but I have always felt like my Mom truly enjoyed being my Mom.

My reproductive challenges have been hard for her too. Not because she just wants more grandchildren, but because it has hurt her to see me in pain. She has cried with me, hoped with me, and even gone to doctor appointments with me so that I wouldn't have to be alone if I heard bad news. She is amazing. As an adult she has become more than just my Mother. She is my friend.

She knows that I have been having a particularly hard time right now. Tonight she sent me this poem.

Confessions from Superwoman's Mom:

I am the mother of Superwoman. She doesn’t know she is Superwoman, but I do. 

I see her carry heavy weight on her shoulders and heart, and I even see her stoop under the load, but she doesn’t give up…..she straightens herself, hoists it on her shoulders and carries it a little longer. 

She is a master at adaptation. A new challenge comes along, she recoils, she yells with anger, she cries with grief and then she takes the challenge and makes it a new thread in the fabric of who she is. 

She cries when those she thought would be caring are instead thoughtless and cruel but she answers back carefully and learns how to be compassionate towards others.

I cry now for her pain and because she doesn’t know she is Superwoman. I pray confidently and expectantly for that day when I meet the little one who will know Superwoman as Mom.

My Mom is going through a very tough time of her own right now. She has an illness that has seriously impacted and changed her life. The doctors haven't been able to find a diagnosis. She deals with her own troubles on a daily basis. Yet she takes the time to care about my troubles. I am not the only superwoman. She is too.

I love you Mom.

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